An Open Letter to the Gentleman in the Purple Scarf
Dr. Gentleman in the Purple Scarf,
While exiting the subway station near my house this morning I sneezed. It was an unexpected sneeze. It kind of came out of nowhere. It was not a spectacular or noteworthy sneeze. Just a sneeze.
Now, as the father of two small children, and the husband of a public health professional, I am well aware of the need to cover one’s mouth while sneezing. This is not only good manners, but from an epidemiological perspective, very important. Had I not been holding the railing with one hand, and my young daughter’s hand with the other, I most certainly would have attempted to sneeze in my gloved hand, or the crook of my arm. I apologize for not being able to do so.
I do, however, take slight issue with your response. If you recall, just as I sneezed, you snapped “Cover your mouth!” This was despite being more than 15 feet away from me at the time. You may also recall that, due to not having a free hand, I sneezed towards the wall. In other words, away from you.
It is for that reason that I hope our brief exchange of words, and in particular my stinging retort “No, you’re a jerk!” haunts you for the rest of the day.
My biggest regret is that I was in the process of walking my daughter to school. Had I been alone I would have A) covered my mouth and B) told you to jump up your own ass. I might also have called you any number of monosyllabic curse words. I may have even been able to deploy my personal favorite “You colossal bag of dicks!”
I know that life as a short, bald, slightly rotund man must be difficult. Perhaps this explains your need to give unsolicited public health advice to strangers in the company of small children. Still, next time I would encourage you to take your own advice. When you are about to speak, cover your mouth.
And by all means, jump up your own ass.
Thanks,
-stirling
-
thespacecadettes liked this
-
stirling posted this
